I remember the first time I heard the phrase "has passed" and I thought it was just a euphemism for death. It was from a black woman explaining that her parents were dead. I think I was in Louisiana, but probably in Cincinnati. I thought, "Oh like passed away. Or passed on." But it has always struck me as that was not it. In fact, it's a phrase that always pops up when I think of death, and I always ask myself what it means.
My beloved princess kitty was with me for 17 years, but yesterday she searched for something that no matter how hard I tried, I couldn't find for her. I couldn't help but think of that phrase. George had told me that when his beloved Brandon was at the end, he "was caving" and that meant looking for a place to die. My sister-in-law, and Bette, 2 wise women talk of passing through to the next world, and as Chi Chi searched running her nose into the middle of walls, in corners, and kept running outside, deliriously, it struck me that she was looking for the door to the other side.
I couldn't have had more signs, and to my credit, I didn't ignore any of them, I just waited until she told me it was time. The night before she died she howled, and wanted to be held, but then wanted to get down and then she paced, looking for something that I couldn't give her.
She was always in charge. Ask anyone. She was tiny, but loud, and stubborn. When she stopped eating yesterday, I knew she wouldn't start again. She just sniffed at her favorite foods and walked away.
Her life was full. She started out as a stray who was injured somehow, and then came looking for a home on a cold October evening. We lived 4 stories up, but you could hear her. She defied Pat's expressed opinion that she not be allowed in the house, first by convincing Stacey to let her in, and then quickly persuading me that it was me who she wanted to serve her. She stole my heart immediately.
She will always be a part of who I am, her fierce stubbornness set a good example for me. She also taught me how to relax.
If you see her, she likes to be held like a baby, and to have her ears scratched. And she likes rabbit and chicken, but not fish. You will know her because she will be in charge, with Ring Man, Rufus and Pete at her beck and call. She might even win over Sophie, and she might even speak a little french.
